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That's- that's just accepted? Like it's your own fault for not being able to be healed? That complete contempt for people's lives is justified?!
[ -now ya fucked up now ya fucked up now ya fucked up-
Deep breaths, Lion. Put the styrofoam cup of tea down before you spill it with a tirade over nothing, it's not befitting of the precious Ushiromiya heir. And besides, it's not Will's fault he's a suicidal jerk from a culture of complete sociopaths or anything.
-wait a diddly darn second. ]
--is. Is that why you keep trying to throw your life away. Because you don't think it's worth saving.
[ hey Will you remember that thing with Shannon where she was giving you a very obvious chance to not stick your foot in a bear trap- ]
[ it wasn't a question it wasn't a question it wasn't a question shit shit shit shit
He tries to cut in a few times in the short bits. Aborted "that's not it" and "calm down" before the target actually aims back at him. And now that the question is aimed at him, he goes still.
It was a direct and whole-hearted request from a human being.
shitshitshitsHITSHIT- ]
That's not how- [ But it is. ] I wasn't- [ You were. ] It had to- [ No it didn't. ] Nghh!
[ It's right around now Lion can pick up on the 'can't tell lies' thing as 'literally can't tell lies'. Even then, past the pain of it, he rallies. ] That's not true! It's because... I.
[ It clicks, alright. They'd already had somewhat of a theory about it already - little things here and there, even over the short time they'd known each other - so this was really just confirmation. An answer check, to continue the metaphor.
Normally it would be enough to make them stop. They hate causing pain, would never want to force an answer out of anyone.
But. ]
Then what. [ Their voice is still that same, scarily flat tone. Anything stronger risks disaster. ] Because that's- that's twice now. And before I could-- I could maybe see that it was necessary, but the test was my own fault.
[ ...Oh, Lion. Lion, you dense motherfucker. ]
You had no reason to- to do that. So why do you keep trying to die on me.
[ There's a loophole for this. Some sort of dodge or half-truth to get out of it, but the more Lion goes on, the longer he has to stare directly at the budget to-go cup Lion brought with his coffee. Not as a distraction, but to keep from accidentally crushing it. The cup doesn't deserve it.
Yet, it quickly arises like acid reflux, an irritation raised twice - over the same person even - and the grimace is split. A small part is the pain of having a branding iron held against your throat. Most of it is just the looming threat of one of those neurotic snaps he hates so much. Ah, the days where he could be furious but not slag off every thought that goes through his head. Be mad, but with focus, it's-
"You had no reason"
oh hell no ]
The reason was you! It was because you were worth saving, you God damned imbecile!
[ There is a moment of frozen silence here before the words replay. Register. Replay again to verify. Yep, just did that. Okay.
The coffee cup is absently being used to make the sign of the cross, then helf in front of his face as the eyes close. Whatever expression or reaction Lion could have had to that is immediately drowned out by sheer autopilot. The voice is barely above a whisper, mentally stumbling over a language that doesn't have an equivalent - until somehow it translates and the words Click.
'Forgive me, Almighty Father, for I have sinned. Thy servant has taken your holy name in vain. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have failed and offended thee, oh Lord, who art all good and deserving and whom I love above all.'
[ They catch the insult before they catch the rest of it, because of course they do. Why does he think they're an idiot this time, anyway, it's not like- ]
[ .... Yeah they've really got nothing to dispute this one. It's never been that they're insecure, per-say - they know exactly how good they are at most things, and not an iota more. But there's always been a trade-off, something of value gained in the exchange to make it worth it for whatever stupid mistake they end up making.
And then this asshole happened. ]
I was-- um, I mean, [ Like. How do you respond to that without spontaneously combusting. If anyone figures it out, please let them know. ] You...
[ "actually mean that", except the words can't make it past the lump in their throat. Wow. Um.
.... if they start crying they'll never recover and he'll think it's because they're upset again, um. shit, distraction-- ] Are- you okay. You keep repeating that.
[ The prayer switches to something else while Lion's having their breakdown, mentally counting off beads, but it's going too fast and too quiet to catch some of the words. Even if His voice is gone, he knows the time limits, the customary punishments. He was a high position so maybe he'd get off easy - except no he wouldn't, he's retired and he remembers what happened to Knox- Lion's talking. Pay attention to the more important thing.
Wait wait, the penances is the important one. The words cut off, swapping it to a mental meditation sequence, but the speech is still distracted. ] Infractions of the third commandment result in capital punishment. Stoning took too many from their work stations, so it's a timed nail bed now.
[ Angels.
Well, at least Lion can compose themselv- ]
Sorry for getting upset. You get off-track sometimes.
[ There are two roads this thread can go down. One, in which they continue to flip out over cultural differences and everything turns into a shitshow. The other, in which they continue to flip out over feelings and everything turns into a shitshow.
Both roads lead to their mutual demise. This is fine. Everything is fine. ]
I-- I don't see how I'm the one getting off-track here. You're the one praying over... u-um. [ this was a mistaaaaaaake. ] E-either way, you have nothing to apologise for.
[ Maybe if they aggressively pretend everything's fine, then they won't have to confront the looming spectre of What Just Happened just yet. ]
[ He has everything to apologize for, but the ones to Lion are internalized. Better that it results in the brat getting flustered and dropping the subject forever than ruining what's here. The internal prayers waver, switching from one apology to another, from a swear to a selfishness.
But it's fine. Being this close is good enough.
More importantly, there's a script to keep to. So Lion gets snapped at. ] I'm not getting off track! Just because humans get to ignore the commandments doesn't mean we can! And you shouldn't ignore them anyway! Do you know how much trouble you can get in for dodging those?! The genocide still happens, Lion! Take them seriously!
[ For a second there they were content to go along with the argument switch and confine thinking about That to later, when they can actually think through it and everything and not stuff their foot in their mouth again like an idiot. Especially since - to be fair - the current topic is interesting and important and they need to kick his ass on it eventually.
But. That was way too coherent for a proper Will rant, soooooo into the pit we go. ]
... You know, for someone who just yelled at me for missing the point, you're awfully pre-occupied with dodging it yourself.
[ The narration would wax poetic about certain actions being forbidden, but the narration is still busy laughing at Lion's face roughly matching Will's dumb hairstreak right now. ]
W-Which isn't really fair. I thought we established that we needed to, um, be on an equal footing about things...?
What a splendid kid. Truly. Like the sun. It's more than anyone deserves. ]
It's... [ Yes i No, the logic stands. ] I'm not dodging.
[ At least Lion can be content, because being called out so bluntly means he looks away. There's no second attempt, because already got caught, dodging further is going into farce. So he does the sane thing and down what's left of the coffee. It's mostly dregs, more grinds than coffee, and for one brief moment the acid sensation and the constant arguing of clerics coalesces into something almost like home.
But then Lion starts setting up the chess pieces for an argument and while it's not home, it's actually better. ] Yeah. I know. It was just an unthinking outburst.
[ What a good time to grab their own cup before it cools too far to be drinkable. It's totally not just an excuse to pause before they speak, because, well...
If ever they needed to get something right on the first try, it'd be now. It might not survive a second attempt. ]
...Just because it's unthinking doesn't mean it doesn't have a point. [ Staring deeply into the teacup means they don't have to look anybody in the eye, right? Right. ] Even though, um.
[ ... there's no eloquent way to put this ffffffffff-- ]
... I wish you hadn't tried to die for me.
[ Oh. ]
Because then I'd be left alone, and I don't think-- no, I don't want to do this on my own. A-anymore, I mean.
[ Oh.
It's dumb, really. They know from before that it's at least somewhat mutual - thinking otherwise would cause another shouting match, and they're not that dense - but a part of them still has to acknowledge that they've known each other for, like. A week at best. The world's longest week, but it's still a week.
But surely everything in that week counts for something, right? ]
[ There's not much a word to use other than zen. It's kind of hard to be disappointed when nothing's expected in the first place. So within the next few minutes he'll get canned; then... what. Same as last time, probably. Let Makara have the dorm, sell off Master privileges to the director or something, closest he'll get to serving out the proper punishments. Then Lion can be left alo- ]
[ There's plenty of things to dispute about it, all rooted in one Voice that freezes the world that bends to His commands. One day, long ago, He spoke and the world Obeyed. Humans are to be cared for, but never closely. That is Forbidden. You are blessed with life, but you must never question Him. That is Forbidden. Even little things people take for granted like freedom of thought was drowned out by the Voice.
Since coming here (before, since the director, before, since backtracking to that Fragment) there has been only silence. It has been nerve-wracking, near to make someone start screaming to drive it out, but no one else hears it so then oh, you're insane, go wait in purgatory for a few millennia, but it's different for once. The silence is actually welcome for this.
For the first time, it's nice. ]
I... don't... know. ...How to stop that. I mean. [ It's tentative, but more lost than confused. Navigating something that isn't quite real. ] I won't leave. I... want to stay here. But us as. Is...
Not you. Me. Just- With anyone. It's forbidden. But. [ He's not here. He's not here. ] I won't leave. Not unless you command it. But don't decide anything based on a week, Lion. That amount of time is... nothing.
[ They can see when it clicks. Good. There's no need for shotguns or elaborate ritual suicides here today, all is forgiven.
Which means they can stop worrying over whether everything was pointless, and instead worry over what was actually said. He normally speaks in bits-of-sentences, so this is nothing new, merely... an extended lesson of sorts. Learning which sentence to stitch to which, with the threads of what was left between.
There's a lot to unpack, here, so breathe. One at a time. ]
A week isn't long, no. But it's also... um, not long enough to completely throw everything out over, either, by that logic.
[ Framing it in pieces makes it easier to answer it in pieces, too. Leaving one thread loose might end badly later. ]
Which just means we can figure it out together, right? Because I'm not-- I won't order you to do anything. [ oh boy here we go- ] Leaving, o-or staying- should be your choice. Ordering you one way or the other wouldn't be- that's not how-- [ How words. How do, in fact, words. ]
We're partners. None of this changes how we treat each other- or, it... shouldn't, anyway.
[ And then they, belatedly, catch the 'forbidden' comment, which starts to make them freeze - is. is this gonna be a disaster, somehow? But no, one freak-out at a time, later. ]
... ah, I probably sound silly, don't I. [ Which means time to aggressively hyperfocus on their tea and recover for the next round, yes. ]
[ A week is nothing, but Lion gets away with it, because the rest of the words have to get wrestled with. It's not the lack of orders that's a problem. Everyone is trained to run on autopilot when they're out on loan. It's the choice part that's a problem. That's like telling someone to leave their post of their own volition. That. That doesn't happen. It shouldn't happen.
But thankfully that bit of blue-screen terror gets avoided because Lion throws a wrench into the mix with terminology. Partners. It's always used as a corollary of something else: business partners, dance partners, partners in crime. Even in relationships, it's just another adjective to add to the usual give/take dynamic, but the word itself is kind of weak. A partner is someone who works together with another, as an equal.
Such a weak little word. But it's more than the definition. ]
...No. It's not silly. Partners is exactly right. [ Because that's how it always felt after that initial disconnect. They've always just Worked. As- ] I'm sorry. If you thought I wasn't treating you as an equal. That wasn't my intention.
[ Whoops. If they knew how badly that went internally, they'd probably apologise - as it is, they're just... going to continue focusing on the immediately positive part of this. Yes. ]
...good. I'm glad. [ And the lingering worry just bleeds away, because whatever else comes of this, that's now on the table where they can both see it. Partners is partners, and nothing will ever change that. ]
If it wasn't your intention, then does that mean you'll actually let me help with things, now? Since we're equals and all.
[ Happy fluffy no-shame zone ended like five seconds ago. Back to Dunktown for everybody. ]
Edited (needs a more direct call-out) 2018-11-26 05:29 (UTC)
[ It's not like it fixes anything. There's still five hundred little questions to ask, problems that will inevitably arise, but like the narration said before: it's on a the table now. It's something they can work on bit by bit, or just ignore forever, as is needed. No need to worry about the whole thing in one sitting. Also, if he thinks for too long about it, it feels viscerally like a parent who isn't around anymore is very, very disappointed.
Thankfully, Lion brings the train right back to Dunktown and everything snaps back into arguments and jerkassery. What a little brat - but their escape route is acknowledged. And granted. ] Hmm... Got it. You can help when I file taxes.
[ Rome wasn't built in a day. Besides, they need fodder for future arguments, obv.
Like this one! Even if it wasn't really an escape route, oh well, progress ever onwards anyway - only how to respond. An old man joke just seems incredibly awkward give, uh, That, so not that one. The arm is obvious, but would lead into another nest of Not Talking About It...
-ah. Got it. ]
I suppose if that's the only topic you're worried about, at least then I'd know they were being properly filed.
[ It is absolutely bait for the sole purpose of being a shit. They know that. He knows they know that. They know he knows they know... and so on. ]
After all, it's likely going to be an electronic form, and typographical errors are apparently a problem... [ Please ignore that the brat only learned that electronic forms and/or autocorrect were/was a thing, like, yesterday. 1980's what's up. ]
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[ -now ya fucked up now ya fucked up- ]
That's- that's just accepted? Like it's your own fault for not being able to be healed? That complete contempt for people's lives is justified?!
[ -now ya fucked up now ya fucked up now ya fucked up-
Deep breaths, Lion. Put the styrofoam cup of tea down before you spill it with a tirade over nothing, it's not befitting of the precious Ushiromiya heir. And besides, it's not Will's fault he's a suicidal jerk from a culture of complete sociopaths or anything.
-wait a diddly darn second. ]
--is. Is that why you keep trying to throw your life away. Because you don't think it's worth saving.
[ hey Will you remember that thing with Shannon where she was giving you a very obvious chance to not stick your foot in a bear trap- ]
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He tries to cut in a few times in the short bits. Aborted "that's not it" and "calm down" before the target actually aims back at him. And now that the question is aimed at him, he goes still.
It was a direct and whole-hearted request from a human being.
shitshitshitsHITSHIT- ]
That's not how- [ But it is. ] I wasn't- [ You were. ] It had to- [ No it didn't. ] Nghh!
[ It's right around now Lion can pick up on the 'can't tell lies' thing as 'literally can't tell lies'. Even then, past the pain of it, he rallies. ] That's not true! It's because... I.
[ The silence isn't helping. ]
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Normally it would be enough to make them stop. They hate causing pain, would never want to force an answer out of anyone.
But. ]
Then what. [ Their voice is still that same, scarily flat tone. Anything stronger risks disaster. ] Because that's- that's twice now. And before I could-- I could maybe see that it was necessary, but the test was my own fault.
[ ...Oh, Lion. Lion, you dense motherfucker. ]
You had no reason to- to do that. So why do you keep trying to die on me.
1/2
Yet, it quickly arises like acid reflux, an irritation raised twice - over the same person even - and the grimace is split. A small part is the pain of having a branding iron held against your throat. Most of it is just the looming threat of one of those neurotic snaps he hates so much. Ah, the days where he could be furious but not slag off every thought that goes through his head. Be mad, but with focus, it's-
"You had no reason"
oh hell no ]
The reason was you! It was because you were worth saving, you God damned imbecile!
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The coffee cup is absently being used to make the sign of the cross, then helf in front of his face as the eyes close. Whatever expression or reaction Lion could have had to that is immediately drowned out by sheer autopilot. The voice is barely above a whisper, mentally stumbling over a language that doesn't have an equivalent - until somehow it translates and the words Click.
'Forgive me, Almighty Father, for I have sinned. Thy servant has taken your holy name in vain. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have failed and offended thee, oh Lord, who art all good and deserving and whom I love above all.'
It just keeps going. ]
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That's a thing. ]
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And then this asshole happened. ]
I was-- um, I mean, [ Like. How do you respond to that without spontaneously combusting. If anyone figures it out, please let them know. ] You...
[ "actually mean that", except the words can't make it past the lump in their throat. Wow. Um.
.... if they start crying they'll never recover and he'll think it's because they're upset again, um. shit, distraction-- ] Are- you okay. You keep repeating that.
[ #nailed it. ]
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Wait wait, the penances is the important one. The words cut off, swapping it to a mental meditation sequence, but the speech is still distracted. ] Infractions of the third commandment result in capital punishment. Stoning took too many from their work stations, so it's a timed nail bed now.
[ Angels.
Well, at least Lion can compose themselv- ]
Sorry for getting upset. You get off-track sometimes.
[ Or not. ]
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Both roads lead to their mutual demise. This is fine. Everything is fine. ]
I-- I don't see how I'm the one getting off-track here. You're the one praying over... u-um. [ this was a mistaaaaaaake. ] E-either way, you have nothing to apologise for.
[ Maybe if they aggressively pretend everything's fine, then they won't have to confront the looming spectre of What Just Happened just yet. ]
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But it's fine. Being this close is good enough.
More importantly, there's a script to keep to. So Lion gets snapped at. ] I'm not getting off track! Just because humans get to ignore the commandments doesn't mean we can! And you shouldn't ignore them anyway! Do you know how much trouble you can get in for dodging those?! The genocide still happens, Lion! Take them seriously!
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But. That was way too coherent for a proper Will rant, soooooo into the pit we go. ]
... You know, for someone who just yelled at me for missing the point, you're awfully pre-occupied with dodging it yourself.
[ The narration would wax poetic about certain actions being forbidden, but the narration is still busy laughing at Lion's face roughly matching Will's dumb hairstreak right now. ]
W-Which isn't really fair. I thought we established that we needed to, um, be on an equal footing about things...?
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What a splendid kid. Truly. Like the sun. It's more than anyone deserves. ]
It's... [
Yes iNo, the logic stands. ] I'm not dodging.[ At least Lion can be content, because being called out so bluntly means he looks away. There's no second attempt, because already got caught, dodging further is going into farce. So he does the sane thing and down what's left of the coffee. It's mostly dregs, more grinds than coffee, and for one brief moment the acid sensation and the constant arguing of clerics coalesces into something almost like home.
But then Lion starts setting up the chess pieces for an argument and while it's not home, it's actually better. ] Yeah. I know. It was just an unthinking outburst.
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If ever they needed to get something right on the first try, it'd be now. It might not survive a second attempt. ]
...Just because it's unthinking doesn't mean it doesn't have a point. [ Staring deeply into the teacup means they don't have to look anybody in the eye, right? Right. ] Even though, um.
[ ... there's no eloquent way to put this ffffffffff-- ]
... I wish you hadn't tried to die for me.
[ Oh. ]
Because then I'd be left alone, and I don't think-- no, I don't want to do this on my own. A-anymore, I mean.
[ Oh.
It's dumb, really. They know from before that it's at least somewhat mutual - thinking otherwise would cause another shouting match, and they're not that dense - but a part of them still has to acknowledge that they've known each other for, like. A week at best. The world's longest week, but it's still a week.
But surely everything in that week counts for something, right? ]
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that's a thing ]
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Since coming here (before, since the director, before, since backtracking to that Fragment) there has been only silence. It has been nerve-wracking, near to make someone start screaming to drive it out, but no one else hears it so then oh, you're insane, go wait in purgatory for a few millennia, but it's different for once. The silence is actually welcome for this.
For the first time, it's nice. ]
I... don't... know. ...How to stop that. I mean. [ It's tentative, but more lost than confused. Navigating something that isn't quite real. ] I won't leave. I... want to stay here. But us as. Is...
Not you. Me. Just- With anyone. It's forbidden. But. [ He's not here. He's not here. ] I won't leave. Not unless you command it. But don't decide anything based on a week, Lion. That amount of time is... nothing.
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Which means they can stop worrying over whether everything was pointless, and instead worry over what was actually said. He normally speaks in bits-of-sentences, so this is nothing new, merely... an extended lesson of sorts. Learning which sentence to stitch to which, with the threads of what was left between.
There's a lot to unpack, here, so breathe. One at a time. ]
A week isn't long, no. But it's also... um, not long enough to completely throw everything out over, either, by that logic.
[ Framing it in pieces makes it easier to answer it in pieces, too. Leaving one thread loose might end badly later. ]
Which just means we can figure it out together, right? Because I'm not-- I won't order you to do anything. [ oh boy here we go- ] Leaving, o-or staying- should be your choice. Ordering you one way or the other wouldn't be- that's not how-- [ How words. How do, in fact, words. ]
We're partners. None of this changes how we treat each other- or, it... shouldn't, anyway.
[ And then they, belatedly, catch the 'forbidden' comment, which starts to make them freeze - is. is this gonna be a disaster, somehow? But no, one freak-out at a time, later. ]
... ah, I probably sound silly, don't I. [ Which means time to aggressively hyperfocus on their tea and recover for the next round, yes. ]
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But thankfully that bit of blue-screen terror gets avoided because Lion throws a wrench into the mix with terminology. Partners. It's always used as a corollary of something else: business partners, dance partners, partners in crime. Even in relationships, it's just another adjective to add to the usual give/take dynamic, but the word itself is kind of weak. A partner is someone who works together with another, as an equal.
Such a weak little word. But it's more than the definition. ]
...No. It's not silly. Partners is exactly right. [ Because that's how it always felt after that initial disconnect. They've always just Worked. As- ] I'm sorry. If you thought I wasn't treating you as an equal. That wasn't my intention.
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...good. I'm glad. [ And the lingering worry just bleeds away, because whatever else comes of this, that's now on the table where they can both see it. Partners is partners, and nothing will ever change that. ]
If it wasn't your intention, then does that mean you'll actually let me help with things, now? Since we're equals and all.
[ Happy fluffy no-shame zone ended like five seconds ago. Back to Dunktown for everybody. ]
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Thankfully, Lion brings the train right back to Dunktown and everything snaps back into arguments and jerkassery. What a little brat - but their escape route is acknowledged. And granted. ] Hmm... Got it. You can help when I file taxes.
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Like this one! Even if it wasn't really an escape route, oh well, progress ever onwards anyway - only how to respond. An old man joke just seems incredibly awkward give, uh, That, so not that one. The arm is obvious, but would lead into another nest of Not Talking About It...
-ah. Got it. ]
I suppose if that's the only topic you're worried about, at least then I'd know they were being properly filed.
[ It is absolutely bait for the sole purpose of being a shit. They know that. He knows they know that. They know he knows they know... and so on. ]
After all, it's likely going to be an electronic form, and typographical errors are apparently a problem... [ Please ignore that the brat only learned that electronic forms and/or autocorrect were/was a thing, like, yesterday. 1980's what's up. ]