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[ There's no laughing. At least audibly. He still hovers, in the way that a dog hovers over the sheep it's supposed to keep from falling off cliffs, but the sword is left in Lion's hands. It doesn't catch fire. It doesn't attack them. If anything, it feels lighter* than it looks.
*The definition of "light" used here varies depending on the observer. ]
Does it matter? Pick whatever you can manage. [ That's merciful of h- ] Maybe a twig to start.
[ And thus the real game emerges. If they pick the suggested twig, that's the same as admitting they can't do it after all, so they'll never live it down. If they pick something sturdier, they'll screw it up, which means they'll never live it down anyway. If they go for broke and pick something ridiculous-
(The hovering is reassuring, as always, but the current feeling of spite overrules it.) ]
Of course it matters. [ To their pride, if nothing else. But holding the sword is one thing. Lifting it with the intent to strike is another. They... just about manage it without falling over. ] I'm not picking a twig!
[ .... yeah they absolutely look like an idiot as they swing, badly, at one of the thicker branches. And they didn't even make a dent. Ffffff- ]
[ At the very least, he doesn't laugh. It's more like the type of throat clearing that comes from someone trying not to devolve into a coughing fit. Or, you know, absolute hysterics.
At least they didn't fall off the tree. Ah, what a year's worth of progress will show. ] Got a lighter one, if it'd help.
[ A subtle correction - partially a hilarious one - but the correction means that one feeling of staring into a sunrise gets through the Oath before it's slammed shut in a box. Just because Maya can't pick on him for it doesn't mean he should get into bad habits. ]
So stubborn. [ Says King Stubborn, Ruler of the Pedantic Asshole nation. Lion's inevitable sass on this is ignored. It's not the same, but it's still similar. Absolute stillness and focus, call reality from where there is none, and there's a motion of drawing a sword from an invisible sheath.
Except there actually is a sword drawn. This is similarly offered to Duke Hardhead, Lord of Refusing To Admit They Can't Lift A Zweihander. ] Trade you. Weighs half.
[ At least he's enjoying himself. It's soothing, the way water soothes a burn, knowing that even in the midst of throwing a temper tantrum, something of them is worth that reaction. But this goes unremarked on, because they have more important things to bitch about. ]
Oh, like you're one to talk. [ And thus the proper forms are observed. ] Ah-
[ -but anything else they might have said is forgotten at the sight of the other sword. That Sword. They remember that sword, even a year after it saved their life- but wasn't it gone? Lost, along with everything else? How- ]
That's...
[ It looks different. They're not blind. It's smaller, somehow- and commenting on that is... probably going to lead to awkward questions, isn't it, not to mention how and- right. Just... move past it. ]
That's probably easier, yes. [ #nailedit ] Why you need so many swords is still beyond me.
[ The zweihander is awkwardly offered back, hilt-first - look, they know that much, and focusing on that means they can avoid talking about their stunned reaction. ]
[ The hesitation goes noted, but without comment. Curious, yes, but the price of admission for it would be answering Lion's own. The cost is too great. Instead, the zweihander is taken back and sheathed over one shoulder. All blades accounted for. ]
Different situations call for different weapons. Can't exactly use it in a hallway. [ Or stabbing someone in a Fantasy Costco. Whatever, no need to mention it. Lion's left to their newest chopping attempt in favor of starting to pack up what they have. Lion won't be able to go that long, so the inevitable ragequit will be a perfect time to quit.
In the meantime, Lion is offered Legitimate Mercy this time. An escape route of the conversation. ] I can always take inspiration and start throwing fireballs.
How many situations do you need swords for in the first place?
[ Not a real question. Just a distracted mumble as they line up again, grateful for the lighter - smaller - blade, but not wanting to admit as much out loud because admitting it would mean he was right and. No?? No. ]
No. [ Whoops, missed. They're blaming the change in topic. ] There's absolutely no way that could ever end well, and you know it.
[ Nevermind that he's about the only person they would ever trust with More Fireball- they just don't think More Fireball is ever necessary. ]
[ There is still a moment where he almost answers a hypothetical - because that is a legitimately good question and if everyone was half as prepared for problems, then maybe there wouldn't be so many problems - but the deadpan "Why are you so paranoid?" echoes through his head in Lion's ever-judgmental voice.
Even if unaware, Lion can feel the Point they just earned from how obviously the subject is dodged. ]
Sounds like a challenge. Pact of the Tome, was it?
[ They're not passing up the Point, even if they're not exactly sure what lead to it. In this Pointless economy, one must take what one can get, after all.
Though the part that follows is almost certainly going to make them lose it again- ]
That- [ Pause, switch tracks, avoid the reflexive confirmation of that being the correct skill. ] How do you even take that as a challenge- you don't even need fireball, anyway.
[ There's the faintest phantom-prickle from their shoulder, which gets resoutly ignored. No trauma today, thank you. There's better things to do.
Like finally making progress on this stupid branch. ]
[ There is not enough there to lose their point. Mostly this is because, blinded in their annoyance, Lion is ignorant to how they're actually succeeding in basic logging without either maiming themselves, maiming the tree, or sending themselves off the tree into a fate worse than maiming.
The beat of silence is consideration. And only that, obviously. ]
Everyone should have one ranged option for emergencies. [ Said with all the tone of someone gearing up for a lecture, giving Lion one heartbeat to prepare for said lecture - and then promptly ruining it. ] By your logic, I should buy more swords and use 'em like throwing knives.
[ Except he already has that Faerun Knockoff of his own sword that he can teleport back when needed.
[ There are no words for the exact kind of deadpan despair this is causing them. Because they know him. They know where that train of thought is going.
They'd expect that of Battler, Will. ]
And I meant, because you can already set things on fire. Because you can set your sword on fire. [ A beat, and- ] Please don't throw your sword while it's on fire.
[ The worst thing is it started as a sardonic joke for Lion to realize how terrible their logic is, then started edging into actual consideration, then looped back around into 'no, that's stupid'. Ignore that this happened, coincidentally, right around the time Lion uses That Tone. ]
Of course not. [ Good. ] The fire goes out if I stop touching it.
They could elaborate on exactly why that entire concept - and why his reason for not doing so - are the worst thing they've heard this month. But you know what? This is meant to be a vacation and that would be a waste of time and energy so instead they're just
gonna drop the sword off the side of the branch and go pack up their bag. ]
On second thoughts, you don't get to have this anymore.
[ He's just going to teleport it back. They know this. But sometimes you've gotta draw a line in the sand snow and stick to it. ]
[ They're right. He's just going to teleport it back. It reappears in one hand in a burst of violet-black smog, resheathing into the other hand with the same motion, and their despair is answered with the just-barely-there amusement of someone who sees the exact window to win this particular Points Skirmish. ]
That was irresponsible, Lion. Having a sword crash into someone's head would ruin the holiday spirit.
[ Jokes on him, they were ready for it. There is only a matching too-sweet smile - a lesser brat would be batting their eyelashes alongside it, but they're above such petty tricks. ]
Ah, but I knew it wouldn't get that far. I had complete and utter faith that you would summon it back first.
[ That's fine. They'll immediately regret it at the immediate swap to that specific shade of Incredibly Polite Japanese they have grown to fear/loathe so much. ]
For your attention: let it be known this Furniture chooses to interpret that as only things that can be summoned back are allowed down the tree without supervision.
[ This is the only warning Lion receives before they suffer the same fate as Maya a year past, but less a rescue and more a punishment. The bags of lumber are tossed over one shoulder. The sack of Lion is tossed over the other.
There's barely any time to react, beyond clinging to his shoulder with a fury they didn't quite know they had, relegated as they are to their newly minted role of Official Potato Sack. All they can really do is shriek in surprise as the branches whip past - and hey, they are right next to his ear. Convenient! ]
That is not what I meant and you know it--
[ They are, thankfully, smart enough to not yell to be put down. That could only end poorly. ]
[ Even if they yelled to be put down, he wouldn't. That's a bit too rude. They even get away with the screaming - partly because he already won all the points in the betting pool, and partly staying focused on a mathematics balancing act. Draining too much of Maya's magic pool for sheer pettiness is wrong, thus all movements should be minimum loss but without risk of misstepping a landing or gaining too much momentum.
A short mental aside is thrown back to the company team-building exercise where his manual transmission body type was swapped with Lion's automatic. What a nightmare to drive. ]
[ They're not about to assume anything when one sentence made him yeet them both off of the tree like a maniac, okay. Not in the sense that he'd harm them- never, just. Y'know.
Dropping them from a safe but shocking height? That seems like something he'd do to win more points. ]
It's perfectly justified to scream when you juthhhh-
[ And another point to Will as they do, in fact, immediately bite their tongue by accident. Ow. ]
And honestly, the narrative could do a longer bit of prose here, but it's unnecessary. All they earn is that one patient sigh that's both infinite patience and infinite despair, all weighted down with the fondness one has watching a pet do something incredibly stupid.
[ The minutes and branches pass in silence. Talking is unnecessary; he already proved his point with the sigh, and frankly, they're busy sulking. Not that they can talk, for part of the trip back - one hand is lit up with a healing touch, pressed to their cheek to knit their bloodied tongue back together.
Magic can fix a lot, but it can't soothe their wounded pride. ]
Despite being carried like a potato sack, Lion isn't dropped like one. Rather, they're lowered back down in a proper standing position then given two light pats on the head. In many ways, this might be worse. ]
There there.
[ And that's as far as the game should go otherwise he might earn The Customary Punishment. ] Break after the drop-off?
[ Yep, definitely worse. The extra effort juuust nudges it over the line.
For a moment, the glare is a consideration of whether or not it's worth meteing out The Customary Punishment anyway, before it, too, fades. Can't be too mad. It was well played. Grumble mumble. ]
That would be nice, yes. [ The downside of being on the ground again is now they have no distraction from worried fidgeting. At least they can mitigate it by fixing their ponytail - though there's a brief, almost unnoticable hesitation before they continue. ] .... Also, your interpretation was wrong.
[ This is totally not them blatantly trying to avoid something. Nope. ]
[ Let us all praise the existence of Maya and her corrupting, sinful influence. The answer is immediate, but soulless - the monotone of someone who has lost all will to continue living. ]
I'm never wrong.
[ get it
Ha.
Fucking ha.
Ugh, just void him from existence- ] It was an interpretation made only to mess with you.
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*The definition of "light" used here varies depending on the observer. ]
Does it matter? Pick whatever you can manage. [ That's merciful of h- ] Maybe a twig to start.
[ Nevermind. ]
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(The hovering is reassuring, as always, but the current feeling of spite overrules it.) ]
Of course it matters. [ To their pride, if nothing else. But holding the sword is one thing. Lifting it with the intent to strike is another. They... just about manage it without falling over. ] I'm not picking a twig!
[ .... yeah they absolutely look like an idiot as they swing, badly, at one of the thicker branches. And they didn't even make a dent. Ffffff- ]
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At least they didn't fall off the tree. Ah, what a year's worth of progress will show. ] Got a lighter one, if it'd help.
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[ They're not quite admitting defeat yet, but they are gingerly side-eyeing it from the next room over as they line up for another try. ]
It's fine. I can- [ -they can not say they can do this with a straight face, so they correct mid-sentence. ] I'm going to do this.
[ Sure you are. ]
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So stubborn. [ Says King Stubborn, Ruler of the Pedantic Asshole nation. Lion's inevitable sass on this is ignored. It's not the same, but it's still similar. Absolute stillness and focus, call reality from where there is none, and there's a motion of drawing a sword from an invisible sheath.
Except there actually is a sword drawn. This is similarly offered to Duke Hardhead, Lord of Refusing To Admit They Can't Lift A Zweihander. ] Trade you. Weighs half.
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Oh, like you're one to talk. [ And thus the proper forms are observed. ] Ah-
[ -but anything else they might have said is forgotten at the sight of the other sword. That Sword. They remember that sword, even a year after it saved their life- but wasn't it gone? Lost, along with everything else? How- ]
That's...
[ It looks different. They're not blind. It's smaller, somehow- and commenting on that is... probably going to lead to awkward questions, isn't it, not to mention how and- right. Just... move past it. ]
That's probably easier, yes. [ #nailedit ] Why you need so many swords is still beyond me.
[ The zweihander is awkwardly offered back, hilt-first - look, they know that much, and focusing on that means they can avoid talking about their stunned reaction. ]
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Different situations call for different weapons. Can't exactly use it in a hallway. [ Or stabbing someone in a Fantasy Costco. Whatever, no need to mention it. Lion's left to their newest chopping attempt in favor of starting to pack up what they have. Lion won't be able to go that long, so the inevitable ragequit will be a perfect time to quit.
In the meantime, Lion is offered Legitimate Mercy this time. An escape route of the conversation. ] I can always take inspiration and start throwing fireballs.
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[ Not a real question. Just a distracted mumble as they line up again, grateful for the lighter - smaller - blade, but not wanting to admit as much out loud because admitting it would mean he was right and. No?? No. ]
No. [ Whoops, missed. They're blaming the change in topic. ] There's absolutely no way that could ever end well, and you know it.
[ Nevermind that he's about the only person they would ever trust with More Fireball- they just don't think More Fireball is ever necessary. ]
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Even if unaware, Lion can feel the Point they just earned from how obviously the subject is dodged. ]
Sounds like a challenge. Pact of the Tome, was it?
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Though the part that follows is almost certainly going to make them lose it again- ]
That- [ Pause, switch tracks, avoid the reflexive confirmation of that being the correct skill. ] How do you even take that as a challenge- you don't even need fireball, anyway.
[ There's the faintest phantom-prickle from their shoulder, which gets resoutly ignored. No trauma today, thank you. There's better things to do.
Like finally making progress on this stupid branch. ]
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The beat of silence is consideration. And only that, obviously. ]
Everyone should have one ranged option for emergencies. [ Said with all the tone of someone gearing up for a lecture, giving Lion one heartbeat to prepare for said lecture - and then promptly ruining it. ] By your logic, I should buy more swords and use 'em like throwing knives.
[ Except he already has that Faerun Knockoff of his own sword that he can teleport back when needed.
...Idea. ]
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[ There are no words for the exact kind of deadpan despair this is causing them. Because they know him. They know where that train of thought is going.
They'd expect that of Battler, Will. ]
And I meant, because you can already set things on fire. Because you can set your sword on fire. [ A beat, and- ] Please don't throw your sword while it's on fire.
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Of course not. [ Good. ] The fire goes out if I stop touching it.
[
Less good. ]
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They could elaborate on exactly why that entire concept - and why his reason for not doing so - are the worst thing they've heard this month. But you know what? This is meant to be a vacation and that would be a waste of time and energy so instead they're just
gonna drop the sword off the side of the branch and go pack up their bag. ]
On second thoughts, you don't get to have this anymore.
[ He's just going to teleport it back. They know this. But sometimes you've gotta draw a line in the
sandsnow and stick to it. ]no subject
That was irresponsible, Lion. Having a sword crash into someone's head would ruin the holiday spirit.
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Ah, but I knew it wouldn't get that far. I had complete and utter faith that you would summon it back first.
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For your attention: let it be known this Furniture chooses to interpret that as only things that can be summoned back are allowed down the tree without supervision.
[ This is the only warning Lion receives before they suffer the same fate as Maya a year past, but less a rescue and more a punishment. The bags of lumber are tossed over one shoulder. The sack of Lion is tossed over the other.
And thus they descend to Aspen. ]
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There's barely any time to react, beyond clinging to his shoulder with a fury they didn't quite know they had, relegated as they are to their newly minted role of Official Potato Sack. All they can really do is shriek in surprise as the branches whip past - and hey, they are right next to his ear. Convenient! ]
That is not what I meant and you know it--
[ They are, thankfully, smart enough to not yell to be put down. That could only end poorly. ]
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A short mental aside is thrown back to the company team-building exercise where his manual transmission body type was swapped with Lion's automatic. What a nightmare to drive. ]
Don't scream. You'll bite your tongue.
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Dropping them from a safe but shocking height? That seems like something he'd do to win more points. ]
It's perfectly justified to scream when you juthhhh-
[ And another point to Will as they do, in fact, immediately bite their tongue by accident. Ow. ]
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And honestly, the narrative could do a longer bit of prose here, but it's unnecessary. All they earn is that one patient sigh that's both infinite patience and infinite despair, all weighted down with the fondness one has watching a pet do something incredibly stupid.
Oh, Lion. What are we to do with you. ]
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Magic can fix a lot, but it can't soothe their wounded pride. ]
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Despite being carried like a potato sack, Lion isn't dropped like one. Rather, they're lowered back down in a proper standing position then given two light pats on the head. In many ways, this might be worse. ]
There there.
[ And that's as far as the game should go otherwise he might earn The Customary Punishment. ] Break after the drop-off?
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For a moment, the glare is a consideration of whether or not it's worth meteing out The Customary Punishment anyway, before it, too, fades. Can't be too mad. It was well played. Grumble mumble. ]
That would be nice, yes. [ The downside of being on the ground again is now they have no distraction from worried fidgeting. At least they can mitigate it by fixing their ponytail - though there's a brief, almost unnoticable hesitation before they continue. ] .... Also, your interpretation was wrong.
[ This is totally not them blatantly trying to avoid something. Nope. ]
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I'm never wrong.
[ get it
Ha.
Fucking ha.
Ugh, just void him from existence- ] It was an interpretation made only to mess with you.
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